All couples go through emotional ups and downs, but when your spouse is cheating on you, you often have an intuition or inner-knowing that informs you that there is trouble ahead. Nothing happens in a vacuum and infidelity may be a symptom of something else going on at home. On the other hand, your spouse may just be a cheater. It may be that part of his behaviour pattern that you either didn’t notice or want to know.
1. Your Relation has turned s3xless
Not wanting to have s3x anymore—or a lot less than usual—can mean many things, including that he or she might be cheating. Now, this could also be because he is focused on an upsetting job situation, financial stress, or a family health issue, but whatever the reason, you must bring it up soon, with warmth and tact. Let him know that you noticed a difference and try to rekindle with daily hugs, warm smiles and, of course, pursue s3x. See if this opens the door to a warm heartfelt conversation.
2. He has a special Facebook friend
Most cheaters these days are caught via text or on social media. When women snoop on a man or accidentally find something, it’s often what they suspected. There could be incriminating photos, texts, or a call history that would prove to be evidence of an affair.
3. They ditch family time with the kids
Every person is unique in how they balance work and family, so the key lies in whether or not a behavior is ‘so not like him.’ Work does get in the way of family occasions, and let’s be honest, sometimes it’s a handy “get out of jail free card” for family events he might not be as into. But if your partner has always enjoyed BBQs with the family and kids, and if work has never gotten in the way of events like this before, it raises a red flag.
4. They come home later
When someone stops coming home at the regular time, on a regular basis, be wary. When a schedule changes and there’s no comment about why or what he or she is doing differently, it may be because your spouse is cheating on you. Some people will offer an excuse for their change in routine—like going to the gym late because it’s less crowded (and because you’re less likely to question the “post-workout shower”).
5. They no longer want you to do laundry
There may be evidence on the clothes or in the pockets, and it’s much safer for someone who’s cheating to handle their own laundry and dry cleaning. Pay attention to a spouse who acts like they’re doing you a favour because it’s more about keeping a secret.
6. Your spouse is too cool about the cell phone
Most women who think their man is having an affair will immediately ask to see their phone to scroll through texts and incoming/outgoing calls. Don’t be fooled if he gives you full access, it’s a sign he may have a second phone.
7. Or, he won’t let you near his phone
Passwords should be shared in a marriage; there are random times when you need the phone number for the plumber and it’s on your husband’s phone or email account, or you need to check an e-receipt that was sent to your husband. It’s not that you need a list of his passwords, but should you ask for one—for a legitimate reason—he should give it to you. This should not be a big deal. By not telling you the code, your spouse may be admitting to a secret of some sort.
8. Your husband is suddenly Mr. Gift Giver
A “just because” spa gift card or new purse—completely unrelated to a birthday, anniversary, or work promotion—could be a clue that your partner is feeling guilty about something and trying to compensate. Have a direct conversation. You could say something like: “It’s only been in the last few months that you are bringing me surprise presents. While this is thoughtful, I am wondering if something led you to start doing this?” See what he says and watch how he acts.
9. There are blackouts
I’m not talking about someone being unconscious. I’m talking about a spouse having blackout periods where you don’t know where he or she is, you can’t reach them, and you don’t get a viable explanation about where they’ve been or why they didn’t respond to a call or text. It takes two seconds to send a text and it’s not normal for a married or seriously committed couple to be out of touch for hours wondering what the heck is going on.
10. They have new hobbies that exclude you
Of course, it’s wonderful if a partner takes on a new hobby, especially one that contributes to his/her health. But there are two causes for concern. First, if they appear to dive into a hobby out of the blue, rather than talking about the hobby a lot or easing slowly into it. And second, if they devote an unusual amount of hours or efforts to it. If your partner insists on being vague, that could be a concern.
11. Date night has been replaced by a new guys-only club
Not cool. Date night is a hallmark of marriage, so when your date night with your spouse disappears it might be because they’re having a date night with someone else.A more experienced cheating spouse will keep your date night, but end it early because they have a “work issue” or a “poker game” that runs until after midnight. Breaking up the night to make time for date night with another lady is one way you’ll know you’re with someone who’s probably cheating.
12. You found a credit card in your spouse’s name you didn’t know about
Most married couples have joint accounts or share information about family finances. There are budgets to consider and conversations about spending before a big purchase. When you find a credit card, you’ve got a smoking gun. Unless this is a work credit card, which you’d probably know about, a secret credit card is pretty hard and fast evidence that you’ve got a cheating spouse.