How to Find the Perfect Man (or Woman)

6 min

How to Find the Perfect Man (or Woman)


How to Find the Perfect Man (or Woman)

This morning, over espresso, one in all my good associates spilled her guts to me about all of her failed makes an attempt to search out the proper man.  Though her story is about her distinctive private experiences, I couldn’t assist however really feel like I had heard the identical story informed by others in utterly completely different circumstances 100 occasions earlier than.

It’s a heartbreaking story concerning the infinite quest for perfection that so many people are on…

The Excellent Lady

As soon as upon a time, an clever, engaging, self-sufficient lady in her mid-thirties determined she needed to quiet down and discover a husband.  So she journeyed out into the world to seek for the proper man.

She met him in New York Metropolis at a bar in a elaborate resort foyer.  He was good-looking and well-spoken.  The truth is, she had a tough time holding her eyes off of him.  He intrigued her.  It was the curves of his cheek bones, the arrogance in his voice, and the consolation of his heat, regular palms.  However after solely a short while, she broke issues off.  “We simply didn’t share the identical non secular views,” she stated.  So she continued on her journey.

She met him once more in Austin just a few months later.  This time, he was an entrepreneur who owned a small, profitable file label that assisted native musicians with reserving gigs and selling their music.  And she or he realized, throughout an unforgettable evening, that not solely did they share the identical non secular views, however he may additionally make her snort for hours on finish.  “However I simply wasn’t that bodily drawn to him,” she stated.  So she continued on her journey.

She met him once more in Miami at a beachside café.  He was a sports activities drugs physician for the Miami Dolphins, however he simply may have been an underwear mannequin for Calvin Klein.  For a short while, she was sure he was the one!  And all of her associates beloved him too.  “He’s the proper catch,” they informed her.  “However we didn’t grasp in the identical social circles, and his high-profile job consumed manner an excessive amount of of his time and a focus,” she stated.  So she lower issues off and continued on her journey.

Lastly, at a company enterprise convention in San Diego, she met the proper man.  He possessed each high quality she had been looking for.  Clever, good-looking, religious, comparable social circles, and a robust emotional and bodily connection—completely good!  She was able to spend the remainder of her life with him.  “However sadly, he was in search of the ‘good’ lady,” she stated.

The whole lot We’ve Ever Hoped For

As human beings, we regularly chase hypothetical, static states of perfection.  We accomplish that once we are looking for the proper home, job, buddy, or lover.

The issue, after all, is that perfection doesn’t exist in a static state.  As a result of life is a continuing journey, continuously evolving and altering.  What’s right here right this moment shouldn’t be precisely the identical tomorrow.

That good home, job, buddy, or lover will ultimately fade to a state of imperfection.  Thus, the closest we will get to perfection is the expertise itself—the snapshot of a single moment or vision held forever in our minds—by no means evolving, by no means rising.  And that’s not likely what we would like.  We would like one thing actual!  And when it’s actual, it gained’t ever be good.  But when we’re keen to work at it and open up, it could possibly be all the pieces we’ve ever hoped for.

That Imperfect Man (or Lady)

The reality is, relating to discovering the “good man” or “good lady” or “good relationship,” the journey begins with letting the fantasy of “good” GO!  In the actual world, you don’t love and admire somebody as a result of they’re good, you’re keen on and admire them despite the truth that they aren’t.  Likewise, your aim shouldn’t be to create an ideal life, however to dwell an imperfect life in radical amazement.

And when an intimate relationship will get tough, it’s not an instantaneous signal that you just’re doing it unsuitable.  Intimate relationships are intricate, and are sometimes hardest while you’re doing them proper—while you’re dedicating time, having the exhausting conversations, compromising, and making day by day sacrifices.  Resisting the robust moments—the actual moments—and seeing them as fast proof that one thing is unsuitable, or that you just’re with the unsuitable individual, solely exacerbates the difficulties.  Against this, viewing difficulties in a relationship as regular and mandatory will give you and your partner the best chance to thrive together in the long run.

Once more, there is no such thing as a “good.”  To say that one waits a lifetime for his or her good soulmate to come back round is an absolute paradox.  Folks ultimately get uninterested in ready, in order that they take an opportunity on somebody, and by the powers of affection, compromise and dedication they grow to be soulmates, which takes practically a lifetime to good.

This idea actually pertains to virtually all the pieces in life too.  With a bit of persistence and an open thoughts, over time, I wager that imperfect home evolves into a snug residence.  That imperfect job evolves right into a rewarding profession.  That imperfect buddy evolves into a gradual shoulder to lean on.  And… that imperfect man or lady evolves right into a “good” lifelong companion.

(Notice: Our New York Instances bestseller, Getting Back to Happy: Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Reality, and Turn Your Trials into Triumphs, is an easy-to-read information that can make your life and relationships loads more healthy, assured.)

Now, it’s your flip…

Please depart a remark under and let me know what you consider this quick essay.

What resonated?  Some other ideas on perfectionism’s dangerous position in relationships?

I’d love to listen to from YOU.  ?

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