In middle school, I used to delete my browser history when I listened to “Candy Shop” by 50 Cent because I was afraid of my parents finding out that I’d listened to such a “provocative” song. (Now, here I am writing about sex toys — sorry Mom and Dad.) As I’ve grown up and become more understanding of my sexuality, I’ve learned more about masturbation and how to have a healthy relationship with sex. As sex-positive as I am, I still don’t really want the guy installing my air conditioning to find my little box of treasures. If you, too, can’t bear your family ever finding your adult toy box, we’ve rounded up the best disguisable sex toys that if seen, no one will really ever assume they’re used for that.
This egg works like a kegel ball and can be used alone or with a partner. If you’re not into crystals, Rose Quartz is considered the “love stone,” so you can attract some love into your aura at the same time. Oh, and if you can’t tell, it’ll actually look beautiful on your nightstand.
Not only is this ADORABLE, it has ten speeds and is rechargeable. Perfect gift for a girlfriend.
This vibe resembles a (might I add — BEAUTIFUL) lipstick tube so it’s pretty inconspicuous in your makeup bag for travel.
This is about as discreet as it gets. Not into gold? It also comes in rose gold and silver.
This vibe is about the size of a mascara tube, has five speeds and looks like a luxury makeup item. What more could you ask for?
Feel free to tell everyone this is your USB flash drive because the USB charging is attached to this one. This vibe is also uber quiet, so you can have your time without worrying that you’re waking up your roommates.
This inexpensive lipstick vibrator comes with a cap, so you don’t have to feel nervous when you accidentally pull it out of your bag when you were reaching for the real thing.
All the Njoy products look like beautiful, stainless steel trinkets rather than sex toys. This is another toy that is perfect for solo use or with a partner.
LELO gained recognition for their HEX condoms, and their vibrators, like this one that can be controlled with a remote (how cool!!), are no joke.
Okay, am I crazy or does this look like a skincare tool or something? Even if I am crazy, the small shape of this vibrator is easily stored. The best part of this one? It can record and playback custom vibrations when you just want to go with what you know.